I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You can't just leave with hair like that
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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