Moan for me like Helen Keller
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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