i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
