rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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