i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
