just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
