Umm I'm too high to move.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
