This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
