Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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