the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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