My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
