My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
