The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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