i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
