Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
