I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
