If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
