She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros