yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion