I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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