Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed