please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT