Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.