Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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