she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment