My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
