Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
