She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
