Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
