I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
