this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
