Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
