i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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