I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The air taste purple.
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