she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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