You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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