I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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