Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
