Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just cropdusted the office
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
