it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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