I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
