if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
