Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
