You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
