I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
