We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
