I'm gonna have a badass scar
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
