I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
