I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
