i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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