don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
