She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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