he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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