I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
