hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
