so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.