it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.