I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize