i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.