It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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