Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think im going to throw up on grandma
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Randomize
