I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
