The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
