Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Where did you get a picture of my penis
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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