At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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