What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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